The Ultimate Tazer Ball’s Monday Morning Furball


It’s the 4th quarter and your team is tied with 18 seconds left on the clock. In one hand you hold a giant oversized soccer ball, in your other hand, you hold a tazer. You look towards the goal and in your way stand 4 menacing looking men, covered with tattoos, also holding tazers, and screaming obscenties at you. Just as you begin to admire one of their neck tattoos, they begin to run towards you, tazers firing away. You juke left, then right, narrowoly avoiding the one with the beautiful neck tattoo, as another one begins electrocuting you with his tazer. Your strong though, and his tazer has only grazed you. You react quickly and without mercy, jabbing your tazer in his throat, temporarily blinding him, and causing an injury that would later cause him to lose his ability to hear out of his left ear. You glance at the clock, 8 seconds left, your heart is pounding, your hands are sweating, you can barely hold onto the ball. You look back at the field, the 2 remaining men covered with tattoos who were chasing you are now being pinned down by your teammates, their bodies convulsing and twitching as they receive tazer shock after tazer shock. 3 seconds left. You set aim for the goal, 2 seconds left, rear back, 1 second left, and hurl the giant soccer ball through the air. You look back and take one last look at that neck tattoo you have now begun to obsess over, and then turn back just in time to watch your laser guided shot bristle the back of the net. Goooooaaaallllll!!!!! Congratulations, you’ve just won your first game of Ultimate Tazer Ball, and survived to talk about it.

NBACats in the News

– This isn’t NBACats news but I thought it would be worth mentioning. ESPN has been forced to fire an employee after a racist headline involving Jeremy Lin’s name appeared on the tablet and smartphone version of the popular site. Since we here at NBACats don’t condone racism, we won’t repeat what was said, but if you’re like me and find racist jokes funny (in a non-racist kind of way) you can find out what the headline said by clicking this link.

– Found this great breakdown of the Wizards-Jazz game last night. It’s from the guys over at and they really pick on our boy John Wall as being one of the reasons for the loss. In their defense, they did say they were surprised by his mistakes.

– If you live in Kentucky, than you probably didn’t get a chance to see what Rajon Rondo did to get himself ejected from his teams game last night against the Pistons. I’ve clicked that link I just gave you, and after watching the video, I think he probably deserved to be ejected for throwing the ball at the ref, but if I was his defense attorney, I would say that the ref was too slow in reacting to Rondo’ pass. I’ll let you decide.

– The “Give Eric Bledsoe Some Minutes” movement is beginning to heat up in LA, and the robots over at the Bleacher Report had this to say about why they think he should be getting Mo Williams minutes (full article here)…

What gives Bledsoe an advantage over Williams is his ability to play defense. Going up against speedy point guards is not an issue for the second-year guard out of Kentucky, as shown in the recent loss against Tony Parker and the Spurs, where he nearly sparked the Clippers into a memorable comeback win.

– Finally, Rajon Rondo’s name has been brought up in another intriguing trade possibility. This time it’s the Jazz being talked about as a possible destination, and that’s got me all excited. I would still prefer to see Rondo end up as a Laker, but if he has to end up somewhere else, I hope it’s with a fellow NBACat like Enes Kanter.


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